U.S. Adoption
 

 
Hannah is the center of our world.
 
Hannah was born three months ago and we can’t imagine life without her.  Matt and I had always known we’d be able to live a happy life without children—after all we’d been so happy, just the two of us, for ten years already—but it just wasn’t an option we’d ever considered before infertility was confirmed.
 
We both grew up knowing we’d raise a family.  To us, it’s just how life happened.  You get married, have kids, and live happily ever after.  It wasn’t until we were married for five years without conceiving that we started to worry.  We rode the roller coaster ride all couples with infertility experience.  We charted my temperature, my periods, our sex life, you name it.  It was too much.  We wondered if we weren’t “meant” to have children, as if infertility was a sign telling us we were unworthy.  We loved being the favorite aunt and uncle…maybe that was enough.  Plus, there’s no way we could ever afford to adopt.  But we always came back to an indescribable desire to parent.  Life continued to throw curve balls our way and we never truly committed to the process of adoption.
 
Maybe we are more selfish than other couples but it took us a while to accept the idea of open adoption.  Why couldn’t we just have a baby like everybody else?  Then we wouldn’t have to worry about birthparents, possible siblings, even grandparents.  One agency told us we weren’t just adopting a child, we were adopting another family.  What?  We had plenty of family already, we just wanted a child!  Like I said, we were selfish and it took us a while.  Once we researched the benefits for adopted children to grow up knowing and understanding their birthparents, our own insecurities seemed petty.
 
It was one year ago when we finally made adoption a priority.  We phoned Heritage Adoption right away and met with Deborah and Sue.  Heritage was actually the very first agency we’d interviewed five years back and it was the one agency we compared all the others against.  There was just something “homey” about it.  We felt as if they really cared.  We liked that the adoption was centered on what was right for the child and that the birthparents were well taken care of.
 
We finished our home study and family book in record time.  It was the weekend before Thanksgiving when we handed over our final draft to Sue.  We were ready and would have gladly taken a child home that day.  We knew we needed to be patient but no matter where we were or what we were doing, the adoption was always on our minds.  Fielding numerous questions from concerned family and friends only intensified the wait.  (We can recommend Adoption Is a Family Affair by Patricia Johnston for your friends and family.)  It was our confidence in Sue and Deborah that calmed us.
 
It was January 2006 when we got “the call”.  We agreed to meet the birthparents, feeling very lucky to have both a birthmom and birthdad involved.  We had thought the wait to get the call was hard, but the week between the call until the meeting was agonizing!  We started to doubt everything.  The only way we can describe it is that it’s like a blind date but worse…we knew it was the most important meeting we’d ever have.  We wondered if they’d like us.  We wondered if we’d like them.  We wondered if we’d have anything to talk about.  We drove ourselves crazy with wondering!
 
Sue facilitated our meeting and things went well.  I don’t know if it was us or the birthparents (J&M) that were more nervous.  It’s a very surreal experience that I’m glad is over but would never have skipped.  J&M are both so sweet.  We immediately liked them and it all just seemed to click.  We all swapped our life stories as well as likes and dislikes, thoughts about American Idol—you know, all the important stuff.  J  Although we’d lived totally different lives we were all brought together to make an amazing connection.  An hour and a half later we were driving them home and making plans to take them to her next doctor’s appointment.  That night we were officially matched!
 
We met their extended families soon after, all of whom we fell in love with as well.  We spent the next couple of months taking J&M to her weekly doctor’s appointments.  We feel so grateful to them for allowing us to take part in something we’d have otherwise never experienced.  We got to hear Hannah’s heartbeat and we even went with them to a late pregnancy ultrasound.  Each week we’d then go to lunch and talk.  By the time M called us frantic the morning of 3-3-06 saying J’s water broke we’d all become friends.
 
It was hard to see J in pain when there was nothing we could do to help.  I think we were so worried about how J&M were feeling that we never bothered to decipher how we were feeling ourselves.  It was about ten hours later when J, J’s mother, and I stood in the delivery room while everyone else waited outside.  I held J’s leg during labor and was the first to hold Hannah once she was born.  It was indescribably amazing!  I have never ever cried when I was happy (something most people find strange) and March 3rd was no different.  I simply couldn’t stop smiling.  I was giddy.  When my husband came in the room crying it hit me.  Hannah was perfect!
 
We all (J&M, J’s daughter, J’s parents, J’s cousin, J’s grandparents, and Matt & I) spent the next hour passing her around taking photos.  It was difficult to see everyone’s immense joy when Matt and I knew there was a lot of pain to come.  We were still in the mindset that this was not our child yet.  J’s family thanked us a number of times for allowing them to see her and it just killed us.  Many people speak poorly of birthparents but they just don’t understand the immense love it takes to place a child for adoption.  The following night J&M signed consents for adoption – that part of this story is too personal for me to share on their behalf.
 
We stayed in the hospital room with J&M and Hannah both nights until everyone was released.  We drove J&M home and then drove Hannah home to start our life with Hannah.  We have quickly adjusted to parenthood.  I am not saying we are now experts but we’ve been pooped on, peed on, puked on, spit on, and more.  We have seen J&M quite a bit in the past three months and we plan to keep in close contact throughout Hannah’s life, not just because they are Hannah’s birthparents but because we consider them family.